I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
