Life is so much better after having sex.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
