that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
