cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
