someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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