i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
These tits shall not be calmed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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