I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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