Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
