Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
