my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
