shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
