If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
