addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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