you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
