She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
