How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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