I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
