im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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