i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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