I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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