exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
