Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
do herpes really smell.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
