That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
