i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
