the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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