there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't make out with my wife yet
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
