We're facebook friends in real life
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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