Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
