ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
