Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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