it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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