ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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