I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
