hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
