I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
