The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
