This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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