I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
