I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
