Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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