??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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