So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
