just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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