jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The air was thick with penises
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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