You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
