I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
