Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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