her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
