you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
