soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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