i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
