I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
